#26-Hidup belum pasti.Yang pasti hanya satu.

Kadang-kadang aku keliru dengan diri aku sendiri. Aku masih perlu masa untuk kenal diri sendiri. Jangan tipu aku kalau kau kau kau macam tu jugak.Kau kau kau dah kenal dengan diri sendiri?Kenal,ya kenal betulbetul?

I'm just trying to be better.

And many times I failed for I'm also a sinner.I aint perfect.I gave in easily to temptations.

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More often than not I feel something when I read,saw,or came across those true stories in life. Or own life experiences,much familiar?Sometimes as a human being,partly I would say I may have that sense of sympathy,or taken aback and maybe I learnt something from it.Or at least be more thankful for I and my family are still being blessed and protected.Yet,I may not be able to really feel it because of the other part of me. It just cant. Because maybe it's true,I'm not in their shoes,so I may not truly understand what those people are struggling with.How they feel,what exactly in their minds and hearts. We may just show our deepest condolence, or being sorry for what happened. But tell me,those tears of them,are they exactly the same with ours(if we happen to).

So when it hits me,I feel no one could ever understand what I'm facing with. But thanks to those who did try or concern enough. Yes,it's made me feel slightly better.  And thanks for your prays.God knows how I appreciate them so much.

I felt like it was yesterday that I heard his voice,I could feel his warm hug,the last I got from him before I stepped in here. 

All the memories came crawling to me,of how we used to argue on why he was late to visit me back in school. And the one I remembered the most was one day,his car broke down on the way to my school. Near the mosque (siapasiapa skolah situ mesti tau).I called him so many times he didnt answer. And he,above the sun ,walked all the way to see me.He didnt even mad at me, even I hardly could hear a single sigh from him. He's THAT patient I must admit.

And I could sense the coldness I used to show,the silent moment we used to have on our way to send me back during the hostel life.I didnt even talk to him so much,really.Im not like those who would even share every stories with their fathers. I just didnt.

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Sekarang,dia sedang diuji.Battling to recover after two surgeries..Tak minta simpati tapi cuma doa anda anda semua semoga dia terus kuat. 

Bila perkara-perkara macam ni jadi,siapa-siapa pun yang kuat,tumpas jugak.Setabah siapa pun,takkan dapat nak tahan air mata.Happy-go-lucky huha sana huha sini pun kalah juga. Sebab perkara yang jadi dekat orang-orang yang kita sayangi,memang betul-betul menusuk mendalam sedalam dalamnya.

Nak pulak waktu sekarang ni,terpisahnya aku dengan mereka beribu-ribu batu,seluas-luas lautan. 

Ya,hari ini kita kuat,sihat,gembira,tertawa,esok lusa belum tahu lagi. Sekelip mata kalau DIA nak uji atau panggil,kita takkan duga.Tak pernah dapat duga.Macam mana sihat pun,atau bebas penyakitlah.DIA boleh jadikan,ciptakan buat sebab.

Dan hari ini hari aku.Semoga benda ni jadi pengajaran buat kita semua terutama aku.Hidup ini tak lama,mungkin tak akan berkesudahan indah macam yang kita idam-idamkan.Kita tak akan pernah dapat duga. Kita takkan dapat pernah elak. Sebab semuanya dah tertulis,hidup-mati,sihat-sakit,lapang-sibuk,muda-tua,kaya-miskin. Semuanya PASTI.

Satu soalan:Have we prepared enough?

Kalau belum,jom. It's never too late.