shoulder to cry on

Maaf sebab saya sangat emotional.(read:previous entry). 

It sounded childish but it was real, I swear. We,human beings, no matter who we are, where we stand, the childish bit in us will always stay with us. It's the matter of how do we deal with it. And how do we portray it. This time around, saya tak boleh sorok. I'm so sorry kalau saya nampak sangat pathetic, loser and lemau gila buat perangai macam ni. Bukan saya yang mintak. Perasaan tu datang tiba-tiba dan secara menggila. Ye, secara menggila saya teringatkan abah saya, secara tiba-tiba rasa sedih, sayu, pilu tu datang. Saya tak boleh control rasa useless nya saya dekat diri saya sebagai anak,adik yang tak mampu nak buat apa-apa bila something happened to one of my family members. Jauh-jauh macam ni, lagila menggila perasaan tu. "Perasaan kita bukan hak mutlak kita". pernah dengar, bukan? Jadi, kalau tiba-tiba Dia datangkan semua rasa tu pada saya, apa boleh saya buat? Saya pun manusia biasa.

Saya diamkan saja selama ni. In denial sangat-sangat. Saya belum rasa momentum tu. Momentum akan kehilangan sesuatu. nauzubillah, bukan "kehilangan" tu yang saya maksudkan. Cuma rasa kosong, rasa incomplete tp saya tak tahu. Saya confused. Jadi saya diamkan. Saya rasa perkara tu akan berakhir and everything will fall accordingly  to its place. Kesakitan itu akan bersifat sementara. Saya mengaku saya agak lalai dan sambil lewa, sebab saya yakin akan "sementaranya" perkara tu. 

Dan sekarang, bila tiba-tiba rasa tu datang secara pukal, dan news dari family saya-abang dan mak, saya jadi lemah,pathetic,loser dan segala macam lagi sifat lemah which I myself cant express it. Paling saya rasa is betapa USELESS saya ni. Betapa teruknya saya sebagai anak pada abah saya. Dan rasa macam alahai hinanya diri ni. Doa macam tak sampai pada Pencipta.Sungguh!

I really really really hope it's never too late for me to reflect on what have I done, or what's my offer to Him utk Dia makbulkan doa saya,utk Dia perkenankan apaapa hajat saya.Dan please,anda yang mungkin memahami rasa ni atau cuba untuk memahami,sama-sama doakan yg terbaik. Yang penting, pray that I can go through all of this and prepare untuk apa-apa kemungkinan pun.Please T_T

May His blessings be upon us.

P/s-sorry i was being emotional,again T_T

I miss his voice.

I miss him telling me what i should and shouldnt do

I miss it when he asked me not to wear improper attire.

I miss the akward moments we used to have when he was driving.

I used to easily get annoyed because of those above. And I regretted it. T_T


I wanna hear those voices again.telling me what should I do shouldn't do.tell me all of those again abah.I promise I will listen.

Get well soon,abah.I know you will..

Delta Goodrem live on Letterman

Sometimes I should always remind myself that

#1- Things DO change with our without us realising. I, myself is not an exclusion case. We might be A now, but in a split second, we might be B. Never expect us, or anyone around us to stay on the same ground all the time. Many factors may lead to the change, just don't question much. When I kept rambling on why the heck is something like this when it's supposed to be like that, 'that something' is already changing. 

#2- I should start thinking about health.  At this age, with such a hectic life along with lack of exercises, sleep hours  what am I expecting myself to be in few years' time (physically)? This does not even include my intake of food. Perhaps "you are what you eat" should have long be  implied. Yes i am THAT plain ignorant and no, i'm not proud of it at all. Speaking of, if only any of my abdomens could talk, well i guess i dont have to tell which will do the nagging, asking me to stop chomping,munching, chewing, swallowing or any eating-related word, you name it. 

#3- Appreciate means we care. Care so much that we cant afford to lose. This applies to all including ourselves. We appreciate whatever God has given us, therefore we (should/must) take good care of it. He blesses us with so many things, including the lovely people around us, that I myself always forget. How could I expect them to show their appreciation when I in the first place dont show mine?It's somehow mutual (forgive me if its wrong). But this can never be wrong;What you give,you get back. So let's learn to appreciate before it's too late. 

#4- Life is too short to even bother about what people might think or say about whatever we do. It's our life we're living, not theirs. What's more important is to ponder on the path God has written for us and do the best out of it. Walk the talk. No point of dreaming big, without any single effort to even grasp for it. I dont want to wake up someday just to realise that it's too late to do something because I think too much about other people's impression on me. Or i'm just too old to go for it. Sedih dowh.

#5- Whatever Allah has given us, we shall never question, let alone to complain or make fun of it.  Contoh; "eh putihnye kau,gelapnya aku." "kau tinggi,jealous dowh aku" "eiiii apsal kau hitam berdaki sangat ni?" Bak kata Bro Jo, "die putih,die MINTAK ke nak jadi putih macam tu?Jadi jangan fikir banyak"  HAHA. And as far as i could remember my sis in law's words, "dengan adanya kita yang ala-ala (biasa-biasa) ni lah adanya mereka-mereka yang cantik-cantik tu. And kalau pun kita nak perasan kita ni cantik, sebab orang-orang yang kita rasa tak cantik tulah, buat kite rasa kita cantik". Sounds humorous, but acceptable indeed. So accept whatever He blesses us with. 

#6- The Law of Attraction is somehow true. I'm not talking about Newton's theory of gravity etc etc, mind you. This is Rhonda Byrne's "The Secret" i'm mentioning about. We attract whatever we say or even think about. Simple as that. Because our minds might not have the capacity to choose between good or bad, negative or positive, it processes whatever being registered to it. (medic students, if you happen to read this, forgive me for using such lousy terms on how brain works bla3 -_-)Contoh, tetibe terfikir "eh malu gila la wehh,apsal die buat perangai buruk macam tu" According to the book, our mind actually gets ONLY the main thing that our minds are focusing at. Or the predicate, says linguists. "perangai buruk" in this case, for example. The more we say it, the higher the tendency that it'll happen to us. Tengok pun dah buruk, agak-agak kalau jadi dekat diri sendiri?The same goes to the opposite case, we say/think about good things, we attract good things. Brain may never distinguish between, but WE may, by spreading only positivity. After all, kata-kata itu suatu doa,kan?

I wish I could write more. I've many points earlier but they just escaped me. And please, ignore any grammatical mistakes. Learning(or shall I say improving) is still in progress T_T

  

p/s- no offence intended. Just sharing my random thoughts and of course, reminder for myself. 

Randomness

Biarkan dia bermain sendirian.




P/s:yes,ignorance is MY new best friend.

...and to Him we shall return.

'eid mubarak everyone...

Subdued it was today. The sun, though was shining so brightly, didnt warm us enough. Happy faces,yet gloomy feeling kept inside. Usual (some may say lame) reason; having to deal with the distance we have with our loved ones. Especially during this celebration. But as clock ticked by, and open house invitation hit in,the feeling's slowly faded away. And tomorrow is surely gonna be a whole new chapter.  

But when the news hit us this afternoon, the earlier feelings struck yet again, badly, I must say.

One of our close friends was chosen to be among those who have a LONGER distance with their loved ones. The longest indeed. 

When it comes to this, 'never put a question mark where He has put a full stop'-someone.

And once again, He shows us HIS right to HIS  belongings, without any notices.

Open our eyes and hearts, pray hard and be prepared for what comes next in our chapter.

Al-Fatihah to your late father, Afiq. 

Worry not

it's over.

No more complaints

Assalamualaikum!

I lost count on how many times did I stare at the blank post. Not that I didnt have any things to share,there are too many that I had to choose which one should come out first.*poyo gila ah statement haha*

And owh, before I forget lets start with the movie date i had the other week shall we? Life,as we know it.Kinda boring i almost felt asleep.But the fun part was, that was the FIRST TIME EVER the whole bunch of us(me&my housemates) went out for a movie, and as much as I hate to admit,that was as well my first experience at the cinema here,in the UK.Poor me. 

So far, the previous weeks have been nice to me, (so far mate, so far). I think I have been living quite well, i mean i'm trying to make lesser complaints  about anything because it's not gonna change any single thing pun kan?

Reading week is gonna end soon. Oh,didnt i tell you that this is supposed to be reading week for us?Yes,it's the week for us to, emm read!lol. Since we arent gonna sit for any exams this term, so the week is supposed to be fully used for our assignments. Note the word "supposed" and "fully used" there? If you get what i mean.

And this is what i meant;

The crazy us went to Liverpool yaw! We had no idea why we chose Liverpool, a very quick decision it was. I didnt upload much pics in here because i've them on FB. Browse thru (if u want to). Speaking of guilty, we did, but not much i guess because we spent only two days for the trip. Janji kerja siap. Eh,siap ke? ;p

Liverpool, we heart you for sure! 

Now back to you work, FadhillahBakren!

Tuhan,ampunkan aku

...sebab aku nak mencarut lima belas saat.

*sigh*