Usrah?? ewwww

That's how i used to interpret it as. Tak suka gila. Dengar je rasa cam urght!

Sebab dulu-dulu dekat sekolah, first time usrah ni diperkenalkan dengan cara yang agak 'keras' bagi aku. Apehal extreme sangat neh? Datang usrah confirm nervous punya, reflect balik what i had been doing on that week kang tak pasal-pasal nama kena pick. Usrah bagi aku memang tempat untuk betulkan kesalahan dengan cara mencari-cari salah. Benci oh!

Bila introduction nye macam tu, macam mana la fikiran ni nak jadi bersih, kan? Dah la tak pernah tau apa konsep yang sebenar-benarnya buta-buta datang terus macam rasa tak nak datang dah lepas tuh. Nak bagi kesedaran based on the top down approach. Terus jump pada kesalahan. And the tradition continued...

Macam mana lah sesama juniors and seniors tak timbul persepsi. Or even in the same batch. Kalau dah dari akar umbi nye dengan cara kekerasan macam tuh. Yea I admit there're some good things I could dig on, nak ajar hukum-hakam, adab, ilmu fardhu kifayah etc etc sebab benda tu penting. But what I could see was at the end of the day, it was more leaning towards creating groups yang jurangnya, mak ai! Group alim-alim yang sentiasa ada usaha dakwah which a) berhikmah, b) paksa. Lagi satu group sederhana, kiri tak, kanan pun tak. Lastly group yang memang anti perkara-perkara usrah ni.

What I intend to mention here is why are there such gap? And group anti tuh memang confirm kene chop sampai keluar sekolah. But why? I guess it may seem simple kot, kalau da approach nya macam tu, macam mana orang nak suka kan? Kalau adik usrah lebih takut, lama-lama memang benci ah. Kalau dah yang bagi usrah asyik pandang salah, mana tak yang diberi usrah menyampah ye tak?

Manusia mana ade sempurna. Jadi daripada berniat nak mengajar, mendidik but at the end of the day timbul endless perception, IMHO i guess lebih baik jadikan perbincangan. Semua orang ada pendapat masing-masing. And please, bukan dengan cara mengambil pengajaran based on others' misbehaviour.

And bila dekat sini, i was purely shocked on how can the approach be vary! Tak rigid, tak sempit, tak terkongkong dan mengongkong. It's not merely on a small circle discussing on religiously content topics, but it could be any sorts of knowledge, inside and outside books. I could see the values and significance of it.

I believe, human beings, tak banyak, sikit, mesti akan rasa tercari-cari, sometimes rasa terkapai-kapai sorang-sorang. Rasa kosong. Lepas tu rasa tak ada support system yang betul. And mulalah nak tuding jari pada sekeliling bila perasaan-perasaan tu datang while supposedly diri sendiri yang nak kene luruskan dulu. Why'd i say this? Because I used to be in such state, and I may be, again IF diri sendiri tak nak cari jalan penyelesaian sendiri. And for how long we'd want ourselves to be in such situation?

One of the biggest solutions is by having this- usrah which i used to look down, and misinterpret the real objectives of it. Bila dah duduk sama-sama, and have the sense of the bond-ness, at least akan rasa gembira, tak rasa kosong, MALU nak fikir benda-benda remeh yang before this duk asyik fikir.  Kenapa perlu rasa kosong, buka mata, hati, fikiran luas-luas and pandang sekeliling. Banyak je peluang untuk penuhkan rasa kosong tu. Tinggal nak dengan tak nak je.

Alhamdulillah, at least I have the sense that the term 'usrah' may never  be the same as what I've been introduced back in school. I'm not putting exactly 100% blame on it but of course I felt a bit upset and disappointed of how wrong could the concept be taken by people. And that could be misleading like, forever!

There's no such thinking as 'eleh, kau ingat kau baik sangat nak berusrah bagai?' or 'hipokrit gila kau usrah bagai' (no offence intended!) No, there's no such thing. At least what I've been experiencing is the eagerness to learn and improve. Rasa pentingnya knowledge yang maybe tak dapat dekat tempat lain and tak pernah tahu pun. Even more surprisingly from the people yang selama ni tak rasa mcam nak kenal pun, at last dia lah yang banyak bagi turning point. No judgement. Kau judge orang, kau ingat orang tak judge kau?

No poyo-ness intended, (whatever you wanna think). But I'm just so upset of how it'd been misleading inside my brain, pass through my veins all these years.


I'm just upset that's all.