Come on

Touch the ground

Live the life

Make a mistake!

Wait, do you even live in the reality?

Or just floating on a delusional state of your so-called dreams?

Wake up!

*slaps face*

Meet Nina

Adorable gila >.<

It's been awhile since we found her on youtube. Yea, I am that obsessed with her. She's so lovely, cool je. She knew that her father's recording her tapi takdelah nak gedik2 manja depan camera. She's just being herself. And that made me melt. 

I am not the only one yang suka dia. In fact, ramai je yang kipas susah mati sampai tahap nak tulis research papers pun kene hadap video dia dulu. HAHA..Well at least I'm not that bad lah, kalau bosan or mood tak berapa nak baik baru terketar-ketar cari. But anyway, I think semua orang pun boleh fall for her ;)

. This is one of my fav, setakat ni lah kan.Hahaha.. Banyak lagi her vids.Go watch.

A tale of two extremes

There was once this person, who's very well-known and respected because of his good manner and attitude. People regarded him as a good person, somebody to look up to upon anything, to be taken examples of. This person, treated others very well, never did he let others down. Never broke promises, always put others before him. He's a pleasure to the people around him. He's a benchmark for everything good. 

Until it happened. He was feeling tired of mending other's hearts until he forgot his. He was way beyond himself. He felt he's been thinking about others too much until he couldnt take it any longer. He didnt want to be the person who sacrificed, he wanted so badly to have somebody do the sacrifice for him this time. Never did he realised he was changing. He, who used to be the listener and problem solver of others' has now becoming ignorant. He couldnt care less about whatever things he felt unnecessary, or rather unrelated to him. The bubble which was once protected him finally popped. He broke apart. 

And there they gone, all the good values which were so much defining him those days. He, was never regarded as such. Any more.

********************

There was this person who always broke the morality rules of living his life. Many accused him of an immoral, ignorant, and so much of negative attitudes. He was the benchmark, of how bad a person is, and how terrible human being could be. He was never respected. People tend to look down on him. Regardless of how fine he was dealing with his own life and own problems, he was never a good person to others. Because he was reckless, he couldnt care less about what others might think of him, of how others treated him. He's just being himself. 

Until one day, he's just tired. Of being regarded as bad, being displeased because of how he mistreated others. He wanted to change, so he started to approach the people around him, differently. Like how they wanted him to treat them. And he's well accepted later on. People tend to change their perception and realised how wrong they have  gone all this while. 

*********************

I believe we've been dealing with such situations so much in life. Be it like the first story or the other one. Or maybe way different from the two, yet still under the two extremes in life- good and bad. It's either we're good or bad, it's more likely to be defined by the way we live our life, specifically by the way we treat others. Or to be more specific, through the eyes of others'. I may not be exactly true in this. But neither am I totally wrong by saying this, am I?

But the truth is, neither of us can be exactly on the two extremes; being 100% good, or 100% bad. It's like a continuum, whether it's leaning towards the good side or the opposite, do self -check. We can never say we're exactly good or bad because it's something we can't measure, theoretically or practically. And the same thing if we were to point on others; tell me on what basis can we say someone is a good or bad person? Is it something to do with what we're doing or living? If someone acts the same like us,up to our liking, then we can say s/he is good. Or, if someone does something out of our preference or favour, we regard them as the other way round? 

Lesson learnt. I was once who used to picture life through a small scope. I used to picture someone as good (or bad) through certain actions s/he did, not through the whole picture. I was rigid in that sense. Or probably still, but anyway, I now know, life isnt only about things revolving around within my own bubble. Life is more than what could we expect. And more exactly isnt about how we perceived things based on our own judgement. it's about considering other facts as well. 

Therefore, I shall say, we can never have a perception or rather specific expectations on anything or anyone around us. Because those two could be baseless. Well, if it is based on something, tell me if it isn't of any kind of our own judgement (or emotion). Or tell me, exactly, if it's based on what's been mentioned in the Quran. But then, even if someone's act is not up to what is written in the Quran, shall we regard that person as bad?No, we can never say that I believe. Read: The continuum of the two extremes. 

Going back to story 1, that person is regarded as good based on how others perceived him as, through the way he treated others. And by that, we shall say, there are expectations and perceptions on him from others, yes? And at some point he realised he was living on other's way of living. He just felt he'd given so much. So, he changed. And he's no longer a good person, again, according to the people surrounded him. 

And so as the second story. I wonder what could happen if he slips off one day. 

I dare to say, it's rather simple. Because of those perceptions we have on others. Be it as an individual towards others or as one of those towards an individual. We want everything to be as what we expected. We live on expectations. We tend to conform to certain ways of living and yea,as much as I hate to admit; thinking.That's why things in 1 and 2 happened. We got tired sometimes thinking too much about pleasing others or being displeased by others. We easily got frustrated of caring too much.

Those kind of ways wont bring us far anywhere, but will come back, reaching for us, and hurt us if we were to think too much about it. (Speaking of experiences). So the point is now, lets just deal with it in different approaches, maybe? I'm not saying that we couldnt care less about others, but try not to engage our thinking too much upon it. Remember, NO ONE are exactly good or bad,including ourselves. So if we aren't, then why expect it from other people?

Just shoot me if I'm wrong.

p/s-Another lesson learnt: We can never be wrong to hate one's attitude. But to disfavour one because of that, is exactly wrong. 

12 R/A 1432H

Thank you Raihan!

Kami membesar dengan lagu-lagu anda.

Kalau dulu buta-buta je hafal

Tapi dari hafal yang buta-buta tu dapat macam-macam.

And especially for a special day today,

Jom dengar.

'Ummati...ummati...'

:,)

updated: another song worth listening. Ya, terima kasih juga Hijjaz!

S.E.C.R.E.T

'Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see whole staircase. Just take the first step.'

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr (1929-1968)

Someone asked me to do a review on the book I've yet  finished reading. I'm no good in reviewing though, but I'll try. Soon, yea?InsyaAllah.

All praises to Allah

''Di tengah-tengah kalian terdapat zaman kenabian, atas izin Allah ia tetap ada. Lalu Dia akan mengangkatnya jika Dia berkehendak mengangkatnya. Kemudian akan ada Khilafah yang mengikuti manhaj kenabian. Ia ada dan atas izin Allah ia akan tetap ada. Lalu Dia akan mengangkatnya jika Dia berkehendak mengangkatnya. Kemudian akan ada kekuasaan (kerajaan) yang zalim; ia juga ada dan atas izin Allah ia akan tetap ada. Lalu Dia akan mengangkatnya jika Dia berkehendak mengangkatnya. Kemudian akan ada kekuasaan (kerajaan) diktator yang menyengsarakan; ia juga ada dan atas izin Alah akan tetap ada. Selanjutnya akan ada kembali Khilafah yang mengikuti manhaj kenabian.” Beliau kemudian diam. (HR Ahmad dan al-Bazar).

Allah SWT berfirman: “Allah telah berjanji kepada orang-orang yang beriman dan mengerjakan amal-amal sholeh di antara kalian, bahwa Dia sungguh-sungguh akan menjadikan mereka berkuasa di muka bumi, sebagaimana Dia telah menjadikan orang-orang sebelum mereka berkuasa.Sungguh Dia akan meneguhkan bagi mereka agama yang telah di ridhai-Nya untuk mereka, dan Dia benar-benar akan menukar (keadaan) mereka sesudah mereka berada dalam ketakutan menjadi aman sentosa. Mereka tetap menyembah-Ku dengan tidak mempersekutukan Aku dengan sesuatupun. Siapa saja yang (tetap) kafir sesudah aman (janji) itu, maka mereka itulah orang-oarang yang fasik“ 

(QS. An Nur: 55).

Domino effect?Butterfly effect?

Wallahu'alam.

All you have to do is ask.

It's been a week. I had so much to blog about actually. One side of me wanted me to pour my heart out, tell the whole world what I've been dealing with. Yeah, the fragile, emofied me if you'd want to know. But the other side of myself asked me otherwise-to sit, think and reflect. So I've to be fair to myself, I let bits of every each if you realised. Subtly.

It wasnt something regular that I've been facing. The most remarkable, major pain that I gotta suck it up. Dugaan paling besar in my entire life. Sakit sangat rasa dia tak tahu nak explain macam mana. And to be honest, I wasnt truly myself the previous weeks of this term. Orang pergi kelas, aku pergi kelas. Orang attend seminar, aku attend seminar. Orang tanya bila ada practice untuk Mnight, aku arranged without having realise what actually I was doing. Konon-konon ikut flow. Seemed not a big deal. 

But actually I was confused with myself, tried so hard to be the usual me (the-huha- huha-all-cheerful-lantak-lah-ape-jadi) but I wasnt genuinely happy inside. Jawab ok bila orang tanya but I wasnt truly alright. Simply sebab malas nak fikir konon-konon and I just dont know how to deal with it.  I was confused. So much. I kept asking myself  'What am I supposed to react? What do I do with these feelings inside. They so wanted to get outta me but didnt find the right way.'  And I did what's best I could do- share it with some.  Very much  helpful, but didnt last longer. Until at one point I didnt realise I was so tensed up, real stressful sampai tahap benda kecik pun nak sentap. Silap sikit nak mengamuk hentak sana sini. Silap cakap sikit, mengamuk campak-campak barang. Apekah, psycho gila weh. Pastu cepat gila terguris. Rasa diri sorang-sorang padahal tengah dalam lecture hall ramai-ramai. Rasa down gila, sebab rasa macam hadapi benda ni sorang-sorang je semua orang tak faham akuuuuu!Itu tak kena ini tak kena.Bila sorang-sorang dalam bilik, nak tidur malam, dalam toilet, nak bukak lecture notes, lepas sembahyang, satu-satu benda teringat. Bila teringat, jadi berkecamuk, hati remuk.  Tapi buat-buat cool.Terlampau sangat rasa diri boleh cope, end up rasa macam nak meletup. And it did burst eventually. Kebabom!

Ada pulak syaitan durjana. Baik punya onar dia buat. Nampak kan sikit-sikit kronologi dia? Tak? Ok meh nak elaborate. Mula-mula, konon-konon ok, dia pun hasut 'takpe, kau telan je.sikit je tu. You're strong. Kau bukan wanita biasa.' Simpan. Telan.Terbeban.

Tiba-tiba ada orang silap cakap sikit mula ah sentap. Lagi dia cucuk-cucuk 'eh  tengok tu apa dia post dekat wall dia tu doh?saje ah tu memang dia cakap kat kau la weh, tolonglah terasa. Terasa sekarang!' Terasa. Emo. Padahal ape kebenda entah takde kene mengena. 

'dia memang tak faham kau. ade ke patut dia pun nak marah. sembur je dia, marah, tabur je ape kau nak tabur biar dia rasa apa kau rasa. Eleh, apa kau rasa ni lagi besar doh, tak semua orang boleh rasa.' Sembur. Sembur cukup-cukup. Cakap ikut suka tak kira apa janji hati puas. Padahal lagi sengsara. Takde makne nak tenang hati lepas maki orang de.  

'kau campak je barang-barang. Lepaskan. Lepas tu kau puas. Kalau tak puas, kau amik pisau toreh lengan kau. Sadis sikit. Pastu orang pun tahu kau tengah down gila. Biar semua tahu. Sape suruh tak amik tahu' Campak barang, mengamuk. NASIB BAIK GILA tak buat benda last tuh. Nauzubillah. Astaghfirullah. Alhamdulillah aku waras lagi. 

Memang durjana kan askar-askar ni?Adeeeeee je dia nak buat. Lagi-lagi bila tengah sedih, duduk pulak sorang-sorang. Jahanam.

Sebab masa tu aku lupa. Sungguh yang aku lupa, aku ada DIA, Ar-Rahmanirrahiim. Aku mengadu, tapi aku tak sungguh-sungguh. Aku kata aku sedih. Aku menangis atas sejadah sebab aku rasa aku tak sanggup dah, tapi aku tak mintak dekat DIA betul-betul. Aku tak sungguh-sungguh mintak untuk dikuatkan hati, untuk tenang dan permudahkan segalanya. Aku sambil lewa sebab aku rasa Allah tahu apa aku rasa, setiapnya yang aku simpan dalam hati. Ye, memang DIA tahu semuanya tapi kita ni hamba. Kita ni hina, apa hak kita untuk kita harapkan sesuatu tapi kita tak usaha untuk pohon dari yang Maha Kuasa? DIA memang akan bagi apa yang kita nak, DIA lebih tahu apa yang terbaik tapi kalau kita tak mintak, takkan tiba-tiba semuanya datang bergolek?Kalau setiap benda jadi kita nak harapkan pada keadaan untuk berubah jadi sediakala, hidup normal balik sedangkan kita tak ada effort, apa guna DIA turunkan ujian?Apa guna  kita ni sedih-sedih rabak bagai kalau kita tak sedar hakikat DIA ada untuk dengar rintihan kita, sedihnya kita, pilunya hati kita, lemahnya kita untuk hadapi semua yang kita rasa tak sanggup dah. YA, DIA nak kita sedar DIA ada untuk kita. Bergantunglah pada DIA. Minta pada DIA. DIA  Ar-Rahman Ar-Rahim. Itu je, Fadhillah Bakren..Kenapa lambat sangat kau nak sedar? Kenapa ego sangat untuk kau turunkan dahi kau, tadah tangan kau dan mintaklah apa yang kau nak masa kau tengah sangat-sangat lemah tu?

******

Well it's not that I am truly myself now. I dont dare to promise that all those crap feelings are all disappearing. It may get back to me especially when I heard or knew of any similar news. May be as bad or less than that. I am not really sure. But I am more convinced after what I've gone through that whatever it is, He's there for me, for us. He wont betray us, ever. He wont disappoint us, never. It's not that I am fearless of whatever coming through next but having to realise the fact that He's there to protect, to care and to love unconditionally and eternally provides me strength. All I have to do is prove. Show that what I am convinced with is real. Bukan setakat cakap. Bukan tenggelam timbul. Bukan sekadar masa tengah sedih dan rasa helpless je. Happy je tinggal. Lupa. Bila sakit, sedih, susah, frust, barulah merintih. Kita manusia biasa pun tak suka kan bila orang buat macam tu. Apatah lagi Allah yang Maha Esa. Penguasa seluruh alam, pemilik semuanya.  Apa hak kita nak buat macam tu kan? And berapa banyak kali kalau nak kira kita buat macam tu pada DIA?

Jadi kalau dah rasa dah terbuat yang tak patut, kembali. Mintak ampun. Sungguh-sungguh pada DIA yang Maha Pengampun. Tak kira besar mana. 

Dengan izin, DIA terima. 

Mintalah.

Terima Kasih

Buat kau, kau, dan kau,

Ya, kau,

kerana tahu sebenarnya apa yang aku rasakan,

Tahu yang aku sedang menangis ketika aku sedang tersenyum

Ya, jiwa ini rasa ;)